Send in the Clowns -- Again

Once again, the gleanings from a mere few days' news make us stand back in awe and ask, “How could things possibly have gotten this bad?” Some examples will, I hope, suffice:

1. President Obama completed his GrovelTour 2009, begging China not to lose faith in the U.S. economy – which they own a very large share of – just because his programs, if fully implemented as he intends, will spell bankruptcy for generations to come, not to mention catastrophic devaluation of the dollar. China's loan-sharking has paid off handsomely so far – not only in the actual “return on investment” sense but in that it has permanently shut us up about “human rights” issues over there (despite Obama's token mewping on the subject). Frankly, I'm still waiting for China to cash in on our debt by taking over Taiwan... but maybe that has to wait until things get even worse. (Or better, depending on your point of view. China's GNP per capita is probably closing in on Taiwan's even as we speak... which makes me think that the day will come when they will no longer be interested in Chiang's stronghold, since it will by then constitute a net liability.) But in any case – and as the news article plaintively says – Obama is “keenly aware of the limits of his administration's leverage over [China]”. “Limits?” Does the word “none” work for you? It is hard to imagine anything China could do at this point that would lead to sanctions by us that would have any punitive or behavior-changing impact. Oh, I suppose we could threaten to devalue our currency more rapidly than we are now... or repudiate all of our debts, or something like that... but that would be to forget that China holds a lot more cards on the world scene at this point than we do. What happens, for instance, if we do one or both of those things and then China promptly turns around and arms its Near Eastern allies for a final assault on Israel – which would be left relatively defenseless (except for all those nukes)? Yes, that inscrutable Oriental patience that we have been warned about is finally paying off for China – a full generation after the madness of the Cultural Revolution. And even that may eventually be seen as a stroke of genius on Mao's part, since it eliminated virtually all of the surplus, unsupportable population from China and thus set the stage for its current prosperity, exponential growth, and dominance on the world scene. Mao had the courage to destroy everything and start anew – which is more than one can say even of the Soviets. That's a degree of radicalism that even Obama must shy away from – and yet the results are plain to see, and they aren't at all encouraging if one is president at this point in history.

2. A small town in Illinois is falling all over itself in an eager bid to be the new home for the Guantanamo prisoners – apparently not worried that they will get loose and declare jihad on the folks down at the local burger joint. In this, they differ from many other places which, when offered the opportunity, sniffed and turned the other way. Plus, the place is in Illinois – Obama's home turf – which makes me think that they're a shoo-in for the job. Actually, given what Illinoians (Illini? What are they called, anyway?) have to put up with on a daily basis, between gangsters and politicians (assuming there's even a difference), the addition of a few terrorists to the mix will hardly be noticed; who knows, it might add a welcome new flavor to the otherwise same old septic tank.

3. It seems that one of the major players in the child sexual abuse witch hunts of the 1980s – a California district attorney named Ed Jagels – is about to retire. Now, here's a guy who, for years, made a good living bringing innocent people up on fantastic charges and, in many cases, getting them convicted and sentenced to years in prison. And, as it turns out, when those cases were appealed the finding in many instances was that the charges had been totally bogus, the witnesses had been coerced, and the whole business had been nothing but mass hysteria. And yet, notice, this guy was never impeached, or removed; he was kept on the job for all these years. I would say that this, more than anything else, testifies as to a profound evil at the heart of not only our criminal justice system, but our society. And history has a perverse -- if that is the word -- way of associating any given nation, or culture, with its most violent and bizarre productions: Whenever anyone mentions “the Puritans”, or “Salem”, for example, the first thing we think of is the witch trials. "Romania" equals Dracula; "Mongolia" equals Genghis Khan, and so on. (What am I talking about? "Germany" equals Hitler, even unto this day.) I can easily imagine that, centuries from now, when the topic of criminal justice in America in the 20th Century comes up, these abominations and those responsible – and very little else – will come to mind.

4. But getting back to the limits of American power – now we have the spectacle of Hillary Clinton threatening to withhold funds from the Afghan government if it doesn't “do something” about corruption and increase “accountability”. Can't you just see Hamid Karzai saying to his cronies, “Oooo, I am _so_ scared!”, and then they fall off their silk cushions laughing. You know... Hillary, whatever her myriad faults, is nobody's fool. She knows as well as anyone that what we call “foreign aid” is just thinly-disguised bribes, designed to make friends by helping those in power stay in power. Oh sure, they'll give lip service to “humanitarian aid” now and then... as will we, just to keep the American voters duped. But supporting regimes, no matter how corrupt, is the real agenda: For every “care” package you're going to get a few dozen RPG launchers. But... given how hopeless the situation in Afghanistan is, I suppose we have to pretend, once in a while, to “get tough” -- but everyone knows the aid is just going to keep coming, and nothing will change. This is because, to put it plainly, we need them more than they need us. And this, in turn, is because our pursuit of al Qaeda and the Taliban is starting to look like Captain Ahab's pursuit of Moby Dick... and nothing will get us out of Afghanistan, or South Asia in general, short of the complete annihilation of both... and since that is impossible, we are fated to remain in South Asia until we are thrown out bodily. And so a primary motive for our bribery fund is simply to insure that at least the warlord in power at present doesn't take it into his head to throw us out. And if he gets toppled, we then have to bribe someone new for the same reason, et cetera – Vietnam all over again, as usual. Now, of course, if we're tossed out by the Taliban itself, the way we were tossed out of Vietnam by the Viet Cong, that's a different story; at least that way no one say we didn't try.

5. And yet it makes sense in a weird kind of way – this “good cop, bad cop” combo that Obama and Hillary have some up with. (And where is Joe Biden in all of this? Isn't the VP usually the “bad cop”? Just asking... ) It's kind of like coaching a football team – you send the right players in to do a given job in a given situation. When the situation calls for groveling, you send in Obama; when it calls for screeching and fist-waving, you send in Hillary. Makes perfect sense – even if it also makes the rest of the world think we're a bunch of idiots.

6. And here's a tidbit. In an article about people who have been dubbed “e-patients” because they use the Internet to obtain medical information, it was mentioned that the AMA “would not comment on the topic”. Yeah – they can see what happens to monopolies as the result of the Internet. Look at what happened to the “Big 3” TV networks. Look at what happened to retail stores. The Internet has, as another recent article put it, “ruined everything” -- for those used to doing business the old way, that is. Which means, basically, fat and lazy providers of goods and services who had a monopoly for so long that they forgot how to compete. Now, how long has the AMA had a government-granted monopoly on medical care? About as long as Ma Bell had a monopoly on phone service... or the Big 3 automakers on cars. As far as these people are concerned, the Internet is a Frankenstein monster that has snapped its chains, and is stalking the countryside spreading death and destruction everywhere it goes. For plain, ordinary Americans, on the other hand... as the article says, “e” also stands for “equipped, enabled, empowered, and engaged” -- and those are the things monopolists everywhere – in business, medicine, politics, education, and so on – fear the most.

7. And the “no duh!” headline of the week has to be this one: “Morale erodes in Afghan war; Army says spirits improving in Iraq.” You think this is way too obvious to merit a headline? But just a few months ago they were writing about how bored the troops in Iraq were, and how they longed to be transferred to Afghanistan so they could see some “action”. Well... now they are being transferred, and they are seeing some action, but apparently they're still dissatisfied. There's just no pleasing these people! I guess, if you subscribe to my “meaningfulness” theory of how to avoid post-traumatic stress disorder, the troops in Iraq figured fighting in Afghanistan would be more inspiring, since Afghanistan had much more direct involvement in the 9-11 attacks (Iraq having had none at all). But once there, and once more confronted with the absurdities of the way we wage war, they longed for the relative peace and quiet of Baghdad. Going back to my theory – it isn't simply a matter of whether the cause is just (or perceived that way); it's also a matter of how the war is fought. The troops aren't stupid; this is something our leadership seems to miss. They can smell ill-defined goals a mile off, along with fragmented strategies and every sort of unanticipated consequence. They can see that we cause much more death and destruction among the local populace than we prevent -- and they can see that the people, by and large, hate our guts. They can also see, plain as day, that the “leaders” we tend to support and fight – and die – for are typically the lowest scumbags around. The troops in Vietnam had these problems, and those in Iraq and Afghanistan have them as well. Any wonder so many of them voted for Ron Paul in the primaries?

8. So why would a smart guy like Bill Gates throw tens of millions of dollars down a rat hole called “the public school system”? Just goes to show you that a person can be really smart in some ways, but really dumb in others. I think we can all agree that the public schools have long since passed the “mend it, don't end it” stage; what we need now is some “creative destruction”. I mean – even in the midst of all the rejoicing, high-fiving, and conga-lining over the Bill and What's-Her-Name Gates Foundation's grant to the Pittsburgh public schools, a cautionary note has been sounded: All of the really important, far-reaching provisions will be subject to approval by the teachers' unions. Which is kind of like saying that all new Israeli settlements on the West Bank will be subject to approval by al Qaeda. Hey, folks, wake up! The unions are going to kill this thing. I mean, they won't kill the enormous inflow of money, but they will most assuredly kill any linking of the funds to teacher performance, however defined. Or – they will appear to bite the bullet on the performance issue, but when it comes down to real-life implementation, it will turn out that the standards are so vague and mushy that everyone gets an A+. Hey – say what you like, the teachers' unions may number much dead wood among their members, but tactically speaking, they are absolutely brilliant. They share with other government workers the ability to lock horns with any “reform” and turn it into a pathetic, toothless bureaucratic enterprise. So... as usual, Bill's money gets dispersed among rabble, and no tangible result is to be seen. Sheesh... can't he just build a place like San Simeon? At least that's a tourist attraction.

9. Well, who'd-a-thunk it? It seems that there are a few Republicans who are willing to show some cojones after all. At a Senate session honoring Robert Byrd for having been the longest-serving member of Congress (a distinction which, I would say, betrays definite felonious tendencies) it turns out that “not a single Republican was present until the final standing ovation, when Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah strode in to join in the salute.” Well... Orrin Hatch hardly counts; the significant thing is that all the other Republicans in the Senate boycotted the love-in for the ossified-in-mind-and-body Emperor for Life of West Virginia. And Byrd is supposedly, among his countless other accomplishments, a “touchstone for constitutional values”. I'm not sure what that means, unless “promoting the general welfare” means turning West Virginia into an Indian reservation for white people. Only Israel beats West Virginia in the taxpayer dollars per capita they receive. And no Democrat in our time – and precious few Republicans – can claim to have anything but contempt for the Constitution. What amazes me is how quickly the Senate recovered from having canonized Ted Kennedy. Apparently there are some things that really can get done in an expeditious manner in the “upper chamber” -- like fawning and drooling over its own senior citizens, without whom the country would have been way better off.

10. In the top of today's state, i.e. Pennsylvania, news is the revelation that over $12 million in economic stimulus money was received by non-existent congressional districts. But yet, those non-existent districts managed to "save or create" 32 jobs with that money -- which works out to... let's see... nearly $400,000 per job saved or created. Wow -- now I guess we know where retired teachers' union officials retire to: Non-existent congressional districts.

11. And finally – what is it with these casino tour buses, anyway? Another one rolled over in Minnesota yesterday, killing two people and injuring many more. And this was not one of those “red-eye” deals with an overworked, sleepy driver at the wheel; it happened in the middle of the afternoon. Is someone up there trying to tell us something about gambling?