The writing of campaign songs is, truly, a lost art... although I have made a few modest attempts over the past few years, as my long-time readers may recall. Well, the Iowa caucuses have offered fresh inspiration, and thus I submit a... maybe it should be called an "anti-campaign" song. In any case, it's designed to be sung by, let's say, Rick Santorum to Newt Gingrich, or by Newt to Rick. And it's short -- short enough that even Rick Perry might be able to memorize it, assuming he stays in the race, which seems doubtful at this point.
It's sung to the the tune of "Unforgettable", and bears an eerie resemblance to the classic:
Unelectable, that's what you are
Unelectable, though near or far
Like an apathy that clings to me
How the thought of you doesn't sing to me
Never before has someone been more
Unelectable, in every way
And forevermore, that's how you'll stay
That's why buddy it's incredible
That someone so unelectable
Thinks that I am unelectable too
How's that? I think it has "legs". And I offer it free of charge to any candidate who wants to use it. But it has to be sung by them, not by any hirelings... and no lip-synching! And it has to be done in public. Otherwise, there are no strings attached.