Thursday, April 30, 2015

If the Republicans win in 2016...

... all sorts of terrible things will happen. This is just a partial list. (You're welcome to add anything else that merits concern.)
  1. Racial strife will instantly return to the country. Obama was elected in 2008 partially based on the premise that he, as our first black president, would end racial strife in the U.S. Just the fact of having a black man as president would suffice to usher us into a new world of peace and understanding... and the few stubborn hold-outs would eventually be brought into the fold by The Anointed One's persuasive powers. And sure enough, Obama has eliminated racial strife in America by seeing to it that black citizens each get their share of the “pie”, and more besides, as compensation for past offenses. His inspired leadership has turned everyone – black and white, male and female, gay and straight, etc. -- into equally good citizens. A Republican victory in 2016 would, however, constitute a serious setback to all of these advances, and run the risk of returning to the Dark Ages of hate, prejudice, hostility, and violence.

  2. Likewise, sexual discrimination will instantly return to the country. As was the case with racial strife, Obama's promise to make women equal to men in all respects, both economic and legal, has been fulfilled, even without the help of an equal rights amendment to the Constitution. Obama has bravely exercised executive power wherever he sees discrimination in any form, or unequal outcomes, or even the appearance of unequal outcomes. The result is that we have a satisfied and enlightened citizenry who have thrown off all dogmatic and traditional shackles of the past. 

  3. Homelessness will instantly return to the country. Barack Obama is, like many previous Democratic presidents, a miracle worker, in that homelessness in this country disappeared the minute he took office. How do we know this? Why, because the subject hasn't been brought up in the media ever since that date. As far as one can tell, all of the homeless found homes on Inauguration Day 2009, and no one has become homeless since, because of the generous government benefits and overall prosperity that resulted from Obama taking office.

  4. Marijuana will become illegal again, in every place and for any purpose.

  5. We will renew our lifelong commitment to the total boycott of Cuba. (But besides that, our foreign policy will remain basically unchanged, i.e. dominated by neocons.)

  6. “Judeo-Christianity” will be declared the official state religion (by executive order, so as not to run into Constitutional difficulties, based on the example set by Barack Obama).

  7. “The rich”, AKA “the wealthy”, AKA “the 1%” will once again be in charge of domestic and economic policy, as opposed to the democratic, populist criteria championed by Obama. 

  8. Golf will, once again, be looked down on by the liberal and media elite as the game of greedy capitalists (rather than a harmless recreational game, as it has been known as long as Obama was playing it).

  9. Excessive presidential travel (including travel by any member of the “first family”) will once again be considered extravagant, wasteful, elitist, and anti-populist (not to mention the carbon footprint issue).

  10. There's a high probability that the “second White House” will, once again, be a ranch. Obama and his family, on the other hand, prefer to save the taxpayers money by staying with billionaire friends whenever on the road. 

  11. The first lady will be engaged in superficial, meaningless, laughable “projects”, unlike those of Michelle Obama, which are meticulously thought out and respond to basic core human needs.

  12. The president's children (if any) will, once again, be a bunch of drunks, drug addicts, airheads, and losers. (This also applies to assorted other relatives, who may or may not be lodged in the White House attic.)
That's the list as it stands at present – but who knows, there may be more. In any case, you can't say you weren't forewarned.

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