Mixed Nuts

Can’t They Do Anything Right?

A Zimbabwean soccer player turned up missing after the team was ordered to take a swim in the “crocodile infested” Zambezi River, in order to “cleanse” them of “bad spirits”. Um… next time, I suggest a good, old-fashioned shower. Oh, wait – not one of those kind our troops have to use in Iraq. Lemme get back to you on this.

Iran My Stocking

Would you “nuke” a country that is about to produce cars especially for women, featuring, among other things, “a jack for changing tires without getting grease on their chadors”? The cars “come in a range of feminine colors and interior designs” – which, in Iran, I guess means “other than black”. Shouldn’t we be reinforcing them for making significant strides like this? And doesn’t it indicate that the entire population of Iran is not lying in the sand with rifles in hand pointed toward Israel?

No Sense of Hummus

Now here’s one time I’m on Israel’s side. Lebanese businesses are threatening to sue because they contend that Israel is “marketing hummus and other regional dishes as Israeli”. The head of the group said, “It is not enough they are stealing our land. They are also stealing our civilization and our cuisine.” Well, Israel is obviously not stealing Arab civilization because they don’t believe Arabs _have_ a civilization, so that charge is clearly without merit. Land? OK, no argument. But cuisine? Hey, when you’re sitting there on the eastern shore of the Mediterranean with all that heat, what are you gonna do, eat stuffed cabbage and knishes? I don’t think so, bubby. You’ll eat what’s available locally, and what makes sense for the climate, i.e. Near Eastern food – which, by the way, overlaps quite a bit with what they eat in Greece. So are these yo-yos going to sue Greece too? I’ll felafel about it if they do.

They Aren’t Such Bad Chaps (If You Stay Upwind)

“Britain’s commander in Afghanistan has said the war against the Taliban cannot be won”, and recommends actually sitting down and talking with those… why, they’re not even human! They’re like those little yellow devils we were fighting in the Pacific during World War II. Well, we knew the Brits would get weak-kneed when the chips were down; look at how they gave up India with hardly a fight. Where’s Winston Churchill now that we need him? He’d be carpet-bombing the Taliban back to… well, they were already in the stone age, maybe the Paleolithic?

Meet the Jeffersons

OK, it’s already starting. Communities in northern California and southern Oregon are trying to form a new state, “Jefferson”, in reaction to the incompetence of their respective state governments. It can’t be long before they’ll appeal to Russia to move in and help them cement their drive for independence. Following upon the heels of the Russians will be U.N. “peacekeeping forces”, which might well include U.S. troops – maybe even members of the California National Guard. So things will have gone full circle. I suspect the “Balkanization” of the U.S. is under way, and this will just accelerate the process. Who knows, maybe the folks who are trying to get New Hampshire or Vermont to secede will meet with success. We know the Southwest is already getting ideas… and Texas never really did make the adjustment to being just another state among many.

Juice in the Calaboose

“O.J. isolated in jail for his safety” – from whom? His ex-wife’s relatives? Her boyfriend’s relatives? I doubt if any of them are in the clink. Souvenir hunters, maybe? No matter, what counts is that he is, in fact, in jail, and in a cell smaller than a football field “living a lonely life” according to his attorney – as if his life of late has been one big party.

Picture This

Some of the art selling in the tens of millions is no longer vulnerable to the criticism, “My kid could do that.” It would be more appropriate to say, “My kid better _not_ do that.”