Hillary's New Theme Song

Well, Obama has sent Hillary on the same fool's errand that "W" send "Condi" on, and it promises to be every bit as successful. When are our leaders going to learn that preaching "peace" in the Near East is useless, because -- say it with me -- no one over there _wants_ peace -- at least no one in a leadership role. Their respective positions are crytal clear -- each side wants the other to disappear... to be gone, exterminated, wiped off the map. You're never going to get peace, or even a vague semblance thereof, under those circumstances. Unless...

We can teach Hillary to sing! See, this is something Condi never figured out -- although I'm sure she could have channeled Marian Anderson, or at least made a good try at it. But it's too late. Hillary, on the other hand... well, we know her voice carries, but we're not sure how good she is at carrying a tune (as opposed to water for the Chinese, for example). We know she was humming "Stand By Your Man", sotto voce, all through Bill's impeachment proceedings. So I say let's give the gal a chance! And just to expedite matters, I've come up with a candidate theme song that she can use when discussions with the Israelis and Palestinians reach an impasse. It's called "The Israeli and the Arab", and is sung to the tune of, and with the same bucolic, heart-warming inflection as, "The Farmer and the Cowman" from "Oklahoma".

(Introductory riff by combined klezmer band and muezzin)

(Hillary) Oh, The Israelis and the Arabs should be friends.
The Israelis and the Arabs should be friends.
One man likes to make a buck, the other likes to blow him up,
But that's no reason why they cain't be friends.

(Chorus of Palestinian refugees and IDF troops) Near East folks should stick together,
Near East folks should all be pals.
Arabs dance with Israeli daughters,
Israelis dance with Hamas gals.

(Hillary) I'd like to say a word for the Israeli.
He come down here and made a lot of changes...

(Israeli) Mazel tov!

(Hillary) He come down here and built a lot of fences...

(Arab) And built 'em right across our olive orchards.
Why don't you kibbutzniks go back to Poland where you belong?

(Israeli) We have the “right of return”!

(Hillary) The Israeli is a good and thrifty citizen, no matter what the Arab says of things.
You seldom see'm drinkin' in a seaside cafe...

(Arab) Unless somebody else is buyin' drinks.

(Hillary) But the Israeli and the Arab should be friends.
Oh, the Israeli and the Arab should be friends.
The Arab lobs a missile with ease, the Israeli owns the GOP,
But that's no reason why they cain't be friends.

(Chorus) Near East folks should stick together,
Near East folks should all be pals.
Arabs schmooze with Israeli daughters,
Israelis kibitz with Hamas gals.

(Hillary) I'd like to say a word for the Arab, the land he's stuck with is difficult and stony.
He works for days on end with just a jihadist for a friend.

(Israeli) It's no wonder he looks so bony!

(Hillary) The Israeli should be sociable with the Arab if he walks up and asks for food and water.
Don't treat him like a louse, make him welcome in your house.

(Israeli) But make sure you lock up your wife and daughters!

(A fight breaks out. The Arabs lob a few useless tin-can missiles over the border and the Israelis retaliate with two weeks of carpet bombing.)

(Hillary, in thick Arkansas accent) Now y'all quit it now, y'hear? Ain't nobody gonna slug out anythin' unless it's me doin' th' sluggin'. This here is a negotiation! Break it up ya' fools.

(Chorus) Near East folks should stick together,
Near East folks should all be pals.
Arabs marry four Israeli daughters (each),
Israelis draft the Hamas gals.

(Hillary) And when this territory is two states,
Both in the UN jus' like everyone else,
The Israelis, Arabs, and miscellaneous, I mean Christians,
Mus' all behave theirselves and act like brothers
... or I'll sic Janet Reno on ya.

(All) Oy vey! We hear and obey, oh mighty emissary of the Great and Powerful Obama!

[exeunt]