Saturday, March 28, 2009
Ol' Blue Eyes Is Back
Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva (and don't ask me which are his first, middle, and last names!) has hit the nail straight on the head. He blames the world-wide economic crisis on "white people with blue eyes" -- who, aside from their obvious physical defects, "before the crisis appeared to know everything, but are now showing that they know nothing." Well, I'm not so sure about that last part -- my theory is still that this whole crisis was meticulously engineered to maximally benefit the people who... it's maximally benefiting, and send the rest of us to the poorhouse. But as far as his pronouncement on physiognomy is concerned, who can possibly argue? We have seen an endless parade of robber barons appear before Congress, and they are almost invariably of the same type -- tall, with round, pink, slightly chubby faces and expertly-cut white hair. They all look like clones of Dick Cheney. In fact, maybe they are! Has anyone considered that? I mean, why should a corporate "headhunter" run himself ragged looking for the perfect physical type when a limitless number of them can be bred and nurtured in a secret laboratory in Switzerland? Personally, I think every one of these applicants for a "bailout" should be DNA tested. If it turns out that they are all genetically identical, we have an objective, scientific basis for a real conspiracy -- and maybe a reverse class action suit. (Call it "the suit against the suits".) But even if it doesn't come to that, I'm definitely on Lula... or Silva... or Luiz's side. I say, down with the pink, white, and blue, and up with... oh wait, Obama is none of the above. OK, let me think about this a bit more... I'll get back to you.