China Recalls Clintons

In the latest of a series of shocks to U.S.-China trade relations, the Chinese Ministry of Trade today announced that it was recalling the Clintons. Details were sketchy, but one anonymous source said that it was undoubtedly based on what he termed a "major malfunction" in the Clinton CPU (Central Political Unit), causing Hillary Clinton to be stuck in second place behind Barack Obama, who the source identified, euphemistically, as "a man not white or yellow -- well, maybe a little bit yellow, but not enough." When asked why the Clintons had not been recalled at any time previously -- for example, when Hillary's health care plan crashed and burned, or when Bill was impeached -- spokesmen said that these were not considered major malfunctions, "and you see that the American people have completely forgotten both incidents." And further, that it was because "it was not the fault of the Clintons, but of the ignorant reactionaries who refused to see the enlightenment behind the health-care plan, or that [the Chinese term is impossible to translate with any accuracy, but the phrase "innocent fun joy effort" comes the closest] is the privilege of any man, especially a powerful politician." When asked for further details as to the recall, the spokesman reiterated that anyone finding a Clinton in their home or in the immediate vicinity should take it to the nearest Chinese consulate for inspection. This advice was directed especially at residents of Pennsylvania, who have reported more frequent and recent Clinton sightings than residents of any other state. "The Clinton re-set process is relatively simple, and the units ought to be operational again within a day or two of turn-in," the spokesman said. "We will know soon enough, because if the repairs work as intended, they will pull the ultimate dirty trick on Barack Obama and force him out of the race, thus insuring the continued dominance of the 'white or yellow' races over joint U.S.-Chinese affairs."