Headlines and Footnotes

“Tequila vapor formed into diamond films.” I knew milk wasn't nature's most nearly perfect food!

“Palin in 2012”? And here I thought she was just going to be a female Dan Quayle. All I can say is she'd better take a few college courses in history, economics, philosophy, and theology... and speech therapy, if she wants to enter the ring again in four years. Oh sure, extreme makeovers are possible in politics. Look at how Hillary started out – she made Sandy Dennis look like Batwoman. But Sarah has her work cut out for her if she doesn't want to wind up as an answer on Trivial Pursuit, and nothing more.

And BTW, the only thing crazier is the notion of Newt Gingrich running in 2012 – but Robert Novak seems to think this is a very real possibility. Oy... and here I thought the Democrats had the monopoly on self-destruction... but Bush & Co. have changed all that.

“Obama advisers set ethics policy.” Wow, now there's a tough job. If the previous Democratic administration is any precedent, it ought to take all of five minutes, including coffee break.

“Feds mum on $2T in loans: Officials refuse to say where crisis funds went or ID the collateral.” Do we need any further proof that this bailout is just a gigantic scam? It's like those movies from the Depression era where the bank robbers race out of the bank in broad daylight, jump in a car and roar out of town, honking the horn, firing guns into the air, and laughing. It's all being done in plain sight, and no one asks any questions or raises a voice in protest. Truly amazing.

It looks like the international art market is finally starting to suffer a bit from the financial crash. Maybe we should call it “trickle-up economics”.

Toot, toot, Tutsi: Showing that today's victim can be tomorrow's aggressor, and vice versa, the Tutsis have gained the upper hand in the part of the Congo bordering on Rwanda – you know, that place where the “final solution to the Tutsi question” was carried out just a few short years ago under the watchful eye of the U.N. Of course, the people who have fled from the Tutsi rebels have wound up in an even worse situation, namely under the thumb (or other body parts) of the Congolese army. I continue to speculate that there is a centuries-old curse on sub-Saharan Africa. How it happened, and why, I cannot say. But there is something just intractably wretched about that place.

Hey – how come Alan Greenspan is still invited to “speak” all over the country? Hasn't this guy's credibility dropped to cryogenic levels by now? Or maybe people just like to see him humbled and groveling after having been large and in charge for so many years. But isn't that act going to get old pretty soon? I say, send him to the home and forget about him.

Apparently cold fear has gripped the population of West Virginia at the spectacle of Robert Byrd relinquishing some of the power he has held since... well, just about the time of the Civil War. Their state, AKA “the Indian reservation for white people”, may be in for some severe entitlement cuts without Byrd at the helm. Some of them might have to go out and find honest work, leaving those “deep, dark hollers” for the bright lights of the big city. Heck 'n' dern, it might be “Grapes of Wrath” all over again... but this time with mobile homes. I'm waiting for the first wave to hit Pittsburgh before long. The good news is, I might be able to find some decent biscuits with sausage gravy around here, at long last.

Give me your tired, your poor, your unruly teens: Nebraska is finally starting to have second thoughts about its “safe haven” law by which – in time-honored tradition -- people were allowed, without fear of prosecution, to leave babies in baskets outside the church door (figuratively at least). But what it turned into was people dropping teenagers off at the ER with no more than, “It's been real, kid. Good luck.” Don't you sometimes wonder who writes these laws, and who reads them before they're voted on? A bunch of chimps, maybe? Nebraskans in general seem like pretty level-headed types, but this law is a stinkeroo. It provides for safe haven for any unwanted “child”. But legally, a human in America is a “child” right up to age 18 – no different from a newborn (and, in fact, casual observation of the teenagers who roam through my neighborhood will confirm the validity of this premise). Now they're talking about re-defining the eligibility requirements to “3 days”, which is a good chunk off of 18 years. But what do they do with all the teens who have been dropped off in the meantime? “Grandfather” them in?