Saturday Night in the Provinces

Some idiot – whose name I've already forgotten – once declared Bill Clinton our “first black president”, based primarily on his chaotic personal life. (Note that this comment was not considered racist because it was made by a black person.) By the same logic, should we now refer to Obama as our “next white president” because, as far as I can tell, his personal life is strictly Mr. Clean-ville?

Last night I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that our government had taken over the insurance, banking, and mortgage industries, and the stock market, and that it was about to take over the auto industry. And no one had pointed out that none of this was in the least way constitutional. In fact, everyone was in favor because “desperate times call for desperate measures” (which is another way of saying that government interference in the markets calls for government interference in the markets). And – to cap it all off with a huge dollop of irony – all of this happened during a Republican administration! So the incoming Democratic administration basically had nothing left to do; the economy was already completely socialized. And then I woke up, and... well, you know the rest.

Just when you think the “War on Drugs” can't get any more insane, it does. Regarding that local FBI agent killed a few days ago in the line of duty, i.e. while conducting a drug raid on a suburban home, rumor now has it that the alleged drug dealer was working as an informant for another agency. So what it means, basically, is that Agency A (unidentified) didn't tell Agency B (the FBI) about this guy, so they raided his house and an agent got killed. Hey, why do we have a “drug czar”? Isn't someone supposed to be coordinating all this stuff? Or was it just “the fog of war”? In any case, the madness will continue until someone (like Obama – except he won't do it) simply takes everyone involved, abolishes their positions and the programs that require them, fires them, and prohibits them from ever obtaining government employment again. This entire generation of drug war fanatics has to be relieved of duty and allowed to die off of natural causes, and not replaced. But, of course, it won't happen – not on Obama's watch nor on anyone else's.

This Isn't Your Father's Ant Farm: A guy in China has been executed (!) for leading a bogus scheme involving ants which were supposed to be processed into “liquor, herbal remedies, and aphrodisiacs”. Apparently it was nothing but a con game – but think about it. Would you pass up a serving of ant liquor? And how do ants wind up in “herbal” remedies? And as to aphrodisiacs, think of the amount of weight the average ant can carry – many times its own. It's easy to see this as a metaphor for... well, you know. Like in those Viagra ads. Plus – with China's one-child policy, who on earth needs aphrodisiacs? I'd think they would be developing the opposite – oh wait, state television is already carrying “The View” -- that ought to do the trick.

I see where they restored Donatello's “David” -- you know, that bronze statue of a naked youth in a somewhat effeminate pose (albeit holding a sword) wearing what appears to be a bonnet? Gee whillikers, if a guy over here got caught with something like that in his rec room, he'd be accused of “hebephilia”. (No, it's got nothing to do with Christian Zionism. Look it up!) But the Italians are apparently a lot more chilled out on this issue, as I'm reminded every time I see a photo of the Sistine Chapel ceiling.

Lend Me a Felon: Apparently the Bush White House is being besieged with requests for pardons, or commutations, or whatever, by jailbirds, and the women who love them, all over the fruited plain. But unlike Bill Clinton, he doesn't have a scores of contributors to his own campaigns behind bars to shower favors on. So in this case, an actual judgment as to the worthiness of the candidate for pardon has to be made. So OK -- “judgment” and “Bush White House” -- doesn't compute! These guys better settle in for the rest of their sentence.

The violence in Mumbai reminds us that India is not just the land of the Maharishi, meditation, and ethereal sitar music. There's a lot of violence over there, and there always has been. And it's based, about 99.999% of the time, on religious differences. We get a whiff of that over here once in a while, but nothing compared to the pitched battles that India suffers, which for utter mindlessness even rival what is going on in Iraq these days. Everyone jumped on Pope Benedict when he quoted a centuries-old discussion concerning the high correlation between Islam and violence – but we see it happening every day. We can be thankful for at least this much – yes, we live in an increasingly socialistic, collectivist society, but so far the Regime has more or less kept its mitts off religion and churches – except for extreme cases like the Branch Davidians and the FLDS, whose rights no one was interested in defending. The real moment of truth will come when they start applying the “Fairness Doctrine” or “hate speech” laws, or “hate crime” laws, to religious publications, discussions, and sermons. And, of course, the threat of taxation is never too far below the surface of any church-state discussion. And lest this seem paranoid and far-fetched, please note that these are already accomplished facts in Europe, and as close to us as Canada. And we all know how enlightened those places are. We can expect some feelers on this issue from the Obama camp not long after he takes office; hopefully the pushback from traditionalists will be strong enough to stave off catastrophe.