Snapshots, 4/8/08

Folks, the hits just keep coming. And I haven't even heard the Petraeus news yet. For all I know he's been clamped in irons and condemned to the Senate's basement cafeteria, where he was put on a steady diet of Senate navy bean soup (extra ironic for an Army officer). But that can wait. For right now we have some slightly, um, lighter fare:

1. Pass the Moose

Canada is creating a 1.9 million acre national park in the Northwest Territories. It will be called Naats'ihch'oh National Park Reserve -- and rather than charge money for admission they have decided to only allow people in who can actually pronounce the name. Sounds like those Arctic voles have nothing to worry about.

2. Rubber Ducky

A new condom factory in Brazil's Amazon rainforest will aid rubber tappers "while helping to preserve the Amazon rain forest". Not sure how that latter benefit is to be derived -- maybe by keeping the tree-cutters busy doing other things when they should be clearing land? In any case, the program is also expected to contribute to AIDS prevention, thus making it "win-win-win". Now when does Al Bore, I mean Gore, suggest something similar for the U.S.? As a substitute for offshore drilling, perhaps? But on the other hand, the effect on global warming might offset any benefits. I suggest we adopt a wait-and-see attitude on this one.

3. White Out

"Mugabe militants force whites off their land". What astonishes me is that there are any white ranchers and farmers _left_ in Zimbabwe. These guys must be meaner than pit bulls with piles. Can you imagine having put up with that crap all these years? I recall back in the late 1970s I knew a guy whose in-laws were Rhodesians. He showed me some of their anti-Zimbabwe literature. Of course, at that point those folks had about as much clout as the white rulers of South Africa. Funny thing is, though -- everything they said would come to pass with Zimbabwean independence has, and then some.

4. The Princess and the Pea Brains

Well, it's finally been settled -- Princess Di was indeed killed through the negligence of a drunk driver (her own) and a bunch of Vespa-riding paparrazi. The alternative theory was that she was the victim of an assassination plot hatched by none other than members of the British royal family. OK, so lessee -- these are people who need help telling a salad fork from a soup spoon, and they were supposed to hatch a complicated and devious plot to do in one of their former members? See, this brings out the problem -- one of the main ones, in fact -- with many conspiracy theories. You always have to judge the credibility of the theory based not on motive or opportunity, but on the capabilities of the alleged conspirators. Like -- Bush had something to do with 9-11. This is a guy who has training wheels on his golf cart. I don't think so. Of course there were smarter people hanging around who might have pulled it off... but in Diana's case, what are the chances?

5. Hugo, meet Homer

Venezuela has pulled "The Simpsons" from its TV listings and substituted "Baywatch Hawaii" on the grounds the "The Simpsons" "may be inappropriate for children". As if "Baywatch" is OK? I guess communism is about more than just political and economic distortion. What I really suspect is that the fact that Homer works in a nuclear power plant is seen as a slight to the Venezuelan oil export business. Either that, or people have been demanding that the state beer stores start to carry Duff rather than just the local brew.