Odds and Ends II

The Big Not So Easy

According to a recent news story, “New Orleans was the fastest-growing large city in the nation last year”. Yeah – what it means is that people who were displaced by Hurricane Katrina are still drifting back into town. That’s like being called “the world’s tallest midget”. And to add to the absurdity, no one actually knows how many people live there, it’s only a guess. I suppose when one of the largest demographics in a city is composed of indigents and drifters, it’s hard to come up with good numbers. One is tempted to say, that hurricane couldn’t have hit in a worse place. But it could also be argued that it couldn’t have hit in a better place, i.e. a place more ripe for “outing” as a massive, festering sore of corruption and governmental incompetence which was always suspected, but it took a disaster on that scale to confirm it beyond any doubt.

The same study, BTW, showed significant population declines in such exemplars of socialism and urban renewal as Cleveland , Philadelphia, and Baltimore. It’s funny how, when you create mini-North Koreas in a relatively free country, people tend to leave. Texas, on the other hand, where free enterprise is still the love that dares speak its name, shows marked growth in a number of cities. What, they aren’t afraid of global warming? Those places are hot enough as it is. I guess if things get too bad they can always move back to Detroit.

Too Big Love

“Polygamist sect leader Warren Jeffs was taken from jail in Arizona to a Las Vegas hospital for what the sheriff described as a serious medical problem.” Well… if I had as many wives as that guy has, and at his age, I might have a – ahem – “serious medical problem” myself. I understand there are some herbal supplements that can help with this…

“Never Mind”

I refuse to descend, in this blog, to the level of the supermarket tabloids by even mentioning the JonBenet case, which is no less bizarre in retrospect than it was at the time. Oops, too late! Well, at least one thing has been settled, namely that no one in her immediate family had anything to do with her demise. And in fact, prosecutors have even apologized to the family for the years of harassment and defamation. This is certainly an improvement on the abysmal record of the various child sexual abuse witch hunts around the country, for which, as far as I know, no governmental body or individual official has ever apologized. So who, or what, killed JonBenet anyway? An “unexplained third party”, according to authorities – well, that’s a big help, I must say. But at least the family is off the hook, and only 11 ½ years after the incident. So much for “a prompt and speedy trial” being one of the pillars of our legal system. These people would have been better off as terrorists… or as members of the armed services. But no, they had the ill fortune to be regular American citizens, and rich ones at that, albeit infected with the bizarre “kiddie beauty contest” virus that has attacked so many families over the past few years. Well, simply being tacky is not a crime… but being rich and tacky? Seems like that’s good for a misdemeanor rap at least.

Grin and Bear It

And speaking of non-trashy people who do weird things anyway, a recent Internet story involved a 14 year old girl who was mauled by a bear during a mountain bike race in Alaska. According to the article, “the attack occurred along a trail in a 24-hour race put on by the Arctic Bicycle Club in Bicentennial Park. Rescuers had to hike in more than two miles to reach the girl.” OK – now let’s do a bit of our parsing routine on this one. She’s 14 years old. Her parents let her enter a 24-hour race through a park that includes areas so remote that a two-mile hike is involved to get to where she was attacked. Now honestly, isn’t this good for some sort of Darwin Award? Not the kind that we usually see – you know, the sort that is awarded to some guy named Randy who rides a grocery cart down a ski jump into a pool of quicksand. No, this would be reserved for the sorts of yuppified, pretentious types who believe that, because they’re “in tune with nature”, they’re somehow indestructible – and not only them, but their kids as well. It’s not unlike that story a few years back about the seven-year-old girl who was allowed to fly an airplane into a storm. It goes way beyond “what were they thinking?” – all the way to “what in the hell planet are they from, and how can we get them to go back there?” I mean…well, I feel sorry for the kid. How was she to know her parents were looney tunes? But hey, someone organized this event and someone let her sign up. Where can they be located, I wonder?