The Invasion of the Brainiacs

I had a first-time-ever experience over the weekend. I attended the United States Chess Federation's 2008 National Elementary Championship down at the Convention Center; the daughter of a friend of mine was competing. The event was run like a well-oiled machine, which is all the more remarkable when you consider the potential for chaos from having 2,100 kids all under one roof -- yes, that's 1050 games all at once, times seven over the course of the weekend. But what struck me as I walked in was that this has to be the most race-, ethnic-, creed-, gender- and color-blind event on the planet, with the possible exception of Rio's Carnivale. I say "gender-blind" even though there are, at other times and places, all-girls tournaments. But that may be the only instance in existence where "affirmative action" (voluntary, that is -- not in response to government decrees) makes sense, since normally these tournaments have about 90% boys. But note -- no one sits around spouting politically-correct -- or otherwise -- theories as to why this is the case. It simply is. (Larry Summers should have attended a junior chess tournament, then he wouldn't be where he is today -- unemployed.) And there are no signs of quotas, "special" categories, or any of the other liberal toxins that seem to infect nearly every other activity in our society -- including, of course, amateur sports on all levels. Somehow, that sort of thing seems to have been held at bay. You don't suppose that it's because chess is all about raw brainpower, no more and no less, do you? Where can politics penetrate, and gain a foothold? Surely an environment like this would have to be anathema to all of our social-change and entitlement pushers -- which is probably why I found it so appealing. No one was worried about anyone's feelings getting hurt, even though, admittedly, each game produces one winner and one loser. This situation, which would be considered horribly "unfair", and "mean-spirited" by the social mavens of our day, is accepted with perfect aplomb by the competitors and their parents. A miracle, truly.

Another observation is that these kids don't fit the stereotype of the pale, skinny nerd with the big head and the thick eyeglasses. They come in all shapes and sizes, and most of them seem quite physically fit. In between matches, the boys are -- what else? -- playing chess, or playing football with those... I don't know what you call them, but they're a cross between whiffle balls and beanbags. In any case, the kids are nearly all quite wiry and very energetic. Oh sure, there are a few wispy types who look like they would dry up and blow away if they were exposed to direct sunlight, but they're in the minority. But the main difference -- as I pointed out to my friend, and she agreed -- is in the walk, and in the eyes. These kids walk straight ahead, totally upright, as if they know where they're going and can't wait to get there -- in contrast to the local public school kids, who do this slouching, aimless, desultory shuffle, or waddle, as if they couldn't care less. And the eyes! The eyes are bright, darting to and fro, eager to gather up as much information as possible -- again, in contrast to the heavy-lidded, half-asleep look of the local kids, who are undoubtedly junked out on sugar, salt, rap music, and junk food (if not actual drugs). So truly, these "chess kids" seem poised to inherit the earth -- whether they are meek or not (and they are anything but). And their parents? Well, some of them seem a bit on the aggressive side -- but nowhere near as bad as "stage parents" or -- heaven forbid -- "soccer parents" (they're the worst). I didn't see one fistfight all weekend! No one was picked up for aggravated assault. These parents seem more concerned with developing their kids' thinking skills than their entitlement-scrounging skills... again, a miracle.

So -- if you want a vision of the future -- the ideal furture, even if the real one comes up a bit short -- show up at one of these tournaments and watch a bunch of perfectly-normal kids who just happen to have supersized (or super-efficient, more likely) brains go at it. Maybe when you see what the human race could be like, and how it could function, you'll have less patience with liberal doom, gloom, and despair. Let's just hope that the Department of Education never finds out about this, though -- then we'll have a program called "No Child Allowed Ahead".