News From the Dark Side

1 -- We already knew that the Taser, AKA "stun gun", has emerged as the preferred method by which the police can legally execute suspects without having to go through all the red tape of a formal arrest, and then having to turn the "perp" over to the courts, where he will be coddled and defended at great public expense, and then probably put back out on the streets to sin again. But it is still startling to see this method validated and written into law by none other than the judicial branch itself. A judge in Ohio (a place where habeas corpus never recovered after the Kent State shootings) has _ordered_, mind you, a medical examiner to remove any references to Tasers in autopsy findings, even when it is obvious that the stun gun was the cause of death. This open-air whitewash is, of course, a means of protecting policemen's "rights", i.e. to do whatever they please without fear of consequences. The case was brought by -- who else? -- the manufacturers of the Taser, who were, after all, only trying to protect their product from discrimination and defamation. What is remarkable is that a judge can actually order a medical examiner (who is not part of the judicial hierarchy) to change an official report. I don't suppose it will be very long until handgun manufacturers will succeed in getting mention of their guns deleted from homicide reports. This will be followed by victories by the makers of kitchen knives, axes, clotheslines, and dental floss.

2 -- War drums are sounding in the mountain fastnesses of Georgia. No, not the state, silly -- the country. Because Russia has supported the Abkhazian separatists, and even sent troops in, Georgia is now threatening to go to war with Russia -- which makes about as much sense as "our" Georgia going to war with the U.S. (Well, actually, they did, once. I forgot about that.) But isn't it a good thing that Georgia isn't in NATO yet? Because if they were, we'd have to go to war with Russia too. Whew, that was a close one. Now, if only they can hold off for another year or so, they _will_ be in NATO, and we'll be obligated to back up any hare-brained military adventure they undertake. Any lingering doubts out there as to whether our politicians are fond of war?

3 -- But back to our very own Georgia, the Peach State and also the Pit State, if you remember that Jimmy Carter is the only president to hail from down there. Georgia is the first state to jump back into the execution biz, now that the Supreme Court has declared the "three-drug cocktail" not to be cruel and unusual. (I know some bars where that would be debatable.) I guess now we can expect a landslide -- well, a trickle, at least -- OK, a handful of executions around the country. But here's something that is never brought up, by anyone. As much as I hate to say it, the most humane method of execution ever devised was the one used -- quite extensively -- by the French Revolution, namely the good old guillotine. I mean, think about it. It's instantaneous... it's painless (as far as we know)... it always gets the job done... and it has a certain historical cachet. I mean, who wants to be strapped to a "gurney" and poked with a needle by some geek who would rather be back at the clinic performing abortions? Wouldn't it be better to be transported to the place of execution in a creaking tumbrel, with a rag-tag mob cheering on the sidelines? Even the Taliban had a better idea than ours -- they turned executions into public spectacles, like bullfights in Spain and Mexico, except without having to pay for the bull. But seriously, if it's "humaneness" you want, bring back the guillotine. Anything else is just cruel, if not unusual.

4 -- The authorities in San Diego have finally figured out a way to put the hurt on fraternities -- you know, those weird organizations of sociopaths and degenerates that one finds on college and university campuses, where the members spend four years fornicating and drinking themselves into a stupor, all at public (or their parents') expense? You know, those places that invariably look like ghetto housing, with broken windows and trash in the yard, and loud music playing all day and all night? And with the "muscle cars" parked in the street outside? Yeah, those places -- those dens of iniquity that deface and pollute the world of academics in America. And it is a disgrace that nothing has ever been done about them -- nay, not for generations. But now something has been done, and that is a massive drug bust by San Diego State police and the DEA folks. Now, normally I put the DEA into the same category as the Puritan witch hunters. But in this case, they deserve major "ups" for having delivered a body blow to a few fraternities. This could be the start of something really big. We might, some day, even be rid of those morons. They could be sent back to the farm where they belong, and put to work hoeing turnips (rather than turning ho's). A brighter day dawns...

5 -- What? Another "apocalypic sect"? I thought we were rid of all those. Now it turns out there is one in New Mexico, and that its leader has been arrested on charges of -- what else? -- "criminial sexual contact of a minor". And this time he's not just a sect leader but the actual Messiah -- or so he claims. (And people think the Catholic Church is neurotic because it requires a vow of celibacy from priests.)

6 -- You know, it's a funny darn thing how every subpoena, every investigation, every inquiry, that has to do with the administration's policies or activities over the past few years is directed not at the White House or at the President's office, but at the Vice President's office. Doesn't that strike you as a bit strange? I mean, if the President is really in charge -- really running things -- and the Vice President is just a back-up, why does Congress always act as if it's really Cheney who's running the country, and Bush who's sitting there like one of those "Boys' State" nerds? Hmmm? What do they know that we don't (or do, but don't want to admit)?

7 -- I won't say "I told you so", but sure enough, nothing has changed since yesterday's primaries, and the candidates have run off, neck-and-neck, to the next battlegrounds, wherever they might happen to be (I've given up on keeping track. Have the Marshall Islands voted yet?). Now, that "filly" that broke her legs in the Kentucky Derby and had to be shot might be seen as a bad omen for Hillary. She (the horse, that is) had come in second, and a few minutes later she was dead. And the winner was "Big Brown". Wow, that is _really_ scary. But Hillary will ignore all of these signs and wonders and race on, not least because she has the biggest jockey of all on her back, namely a guy named Bill.