Scatter Shots

1. It's becoming more and more clear that one of the most dangerous things you can do is get on a charter bus in order to go to some far-off casino. For some weird reason, these gambler's expresses seem highly prone to crashing, rolling over, running into walls, off cliffs, and so on. One might almost think there is some karmic significance to all this. Are gamblers being punished for their gullibility by being consigned to poorly-maintained buses driven by incompetent or impaired drivers? It kind of seems that way... except we all know that's not how things work in real life. Right?

2. Not yet blamed on "global warming", but we're working on it: The mysterious coming back to life of a long-dormant volcano in Chile. And also, the major earthquake in China -- which we know was really caused by the coordinated chanting of thousands of Tibetan monks.

3. It turns out that tits may not be evolving after all. Oh wait -- ha ha -- I meant the "great tits", that's a kind of bird in England that has shown not-all-that-surprising ability to adjust to an earlier spring. I mean, if my forsythia can do it, why can't a bird? But this was originally touted as another "proof" of evolution... as if any were needed, since the government has said that it's absolutely true. So this species of birds has not, after all, evolved in a significant way over only 30-35 years. A crushing blow, indeed... and it also shatters all the hopes of unreconstructed Bolsheviks as to the possibility of creating a New Soviet Man in about the same amount of time.

4. A new museum is opening in Washington, DC -- the "National Museum of Crime and Punishment". And no, it won't consist entirely of Dostoyevsky manuscripts. What it ought to include, however, is large-scale exhibits covering the Carter and Clinton administrations. But no, wait... those were only crimes; there has yet to be any punishment.

5. The main power station in Tirana, the capital of Albania, was disabled by "a cat chasing a mouse". Unlikely? Well... think about it. First of all, we're talking about Albania, where total power consumption up until recently was measured in just plain watts. Plus, what if the cat and mouse were as persistent, and stamina-laden, as, say, Tom and Jerry? Or Itchy and Scratchy? Then it would be less of a surprise. But once again, the media -- by publicizing this story -- have placed still another idea for terrorist attacks right into the hands of al-Qaida.

6. Was the Immigration and Customs Enforcement raid on the kosher meatpacking plant in Iowa an instance of anti-Semitism? It certainly looks that way to me. I mean, of all the places they could have picked, it had to be the largest kosher meat plant in the U.S. I expect the ADL to get on this right away. Sounds like the immigration folks are a bunch of wieners...

7. And speaking of things kosher, there was a very interesting column by Pat Buchanan in the Saturday (May 17) paper, having to do with Israel and demographics: http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/opinion/columnists/guests/s_567915.html .
He points out that, although the Jewish population of Israel continues to rise, the Jewish population of the U.S. is declining slightly, and he attributes this to an estimated "1 million lost members of the Jewish community" -- lost, that is, through abortion. I guess it would be in poor taste to speculate that this is one small piece of the "final solution" that the Jews themselves have embraced. And yet -- aside from the Hassidic community, as usual -- the Jewish community overall has been one of the strongest supporters of "reproductive choice" -- include for their own members, apparently. So what they are experiencing is a small subset of what is happening over much of Europe. On the other hand -- back to Buchanan -- the Palestinian population of Israel is reproducing at a high rate, apparently unaware that this is one of the many things they were not supposed to do after 1948. I mean, if Israel was "a land without a people" then it's a bit tacky for all of these non-people to keep producing more non-people, now isn't it? Another paradox Buchanan points out is that the continued failure (on whoever's part) to establish a Palestinian state means that the pressure of increasing non-Jewish populations will continue to be exerted on Israel itself, whereas it could have been confined to the State of Palestine, or whatever they might have come up with. (Think: Mexico and the U.S. Well, OK, don't.) Future historians may well decide that the Enlightenment came a cropper on the rocks of demographics.

8. The latest installment of my ongoing series, "Why Can't the U.S. Be More Like...?", involves Egypt, where a man was sentenced to 1,000 years in prison for doing nothing more than this: "He would promise people that he would invest their money for them and bring them good profits, but he would take the money and disappear." Now, how does that differ from the actions of many stockbrokers and "hedge fund" managers? It doesn't! But do you see them going to jail for 1,000 years -- or at all? I say, we should change the rules to catch up to Egypt. Just don't expect them to do anything about pyramid schemes...