Saturday's People

What a Relief!

Now that the government has, for all intents and purposes, nationalized the securities, insurance, and real estate industries, and is about to do likewise with the banking industry, we can all relax. Instead of a bunch of greedy, grossly-overpaid, and incompetent CEOs running these organizations, they will now be run by modestly-paid, dedicated, and self-sacrificing government officials. The good news is that government officials know more than anyone else about running organizations that are constantly losing money and are chronically in the red. The bad news is that when the government-run organizations fail, who’s going to bail them out? (China would be my guess.)

That Voodoo That You Do So Well

Add to the ever-expanding list of “why Africa is the way it is” this recent item: Fans at a soccer match in Congo recently rioted when rumors started to circulate that a member of one of the teams was using witchcraft – presumably to help his team win, but that was not made clear. Well frankly, I think they should have relaxed and waited to see the results. Heck, the Pittsburgh Pirates could use a little bit of that mojo, if it really works. It could become one of Congo‘s leading exports (OK, it’s only export, unless you include refugees).

Lines Are Open Now

OK, so first it’s idiots using cell phones in cars, leading to crashes on the highway. Then it’s a railroad engineer “texting” while on the job, leading to a crash on the rails. How long until we get gadget-addict airline pilots poking away at some little hunk of plastic instead of flying the plane? And be assured that none of the messages or “information” being conveyed by any of these devices is in the slightest bit important. It’s, basically, idle chitchat by people who have nothing better to do. I foresee the day when all these gadget-oholics will be isolated in special rooms, like “smoking rooms” at airports, where they will be free to feed their addictions without being a danger to anyone else’s life and limb.

Throwing Out The Babes With The Bathwater

In South Korea, authorities “confiscated and destroyed” beds and bathtubs in a crackdown on massage parlors and brothels. Implication: Massage parlors and brothels are the only places in South Korea where one can find beds and bathtubs. Otherwise, the authorities could have sold them for surplus (after proper fumigation, of course). So… I guess Korea is a land of sleepless, smelly people. Who knew?

See How I Feel

On the exact same topic, blind masseurs in South Korea have demonstrated against “a government decision to reverse a policy… allowing only blind people to practice the profession.” So it turns out that those massage parlors were all sheltered workshops! (It's nice to hear that those things are good for something, at least.) But that’s not all. In the course of the demonstration, the protesters set a truck on fire. Now… when’s the last time you heard of a blind person setting a truck on fire? I smell something fishy here. Oh… that’s because of the bathtubs.

Due Diligence

A youthful offender accused of killing a policeman was strangled in his jail cell in Upper Marlboro, Maryland (which, I happen to know, is in Prince George's County, Washington D.C.'s answer to the South Bronx). Wow, now there’s a real mystery. Who on earth would be motivated, and able, to kill someone, right in their own cell, for killing a cop? Another inmate, maybe? Not bloody likely. So once again the law shows that it can, if need be, take a few short cuts.

You Said It, Girl

It’s “on a one-way path to self-imposed isolation”, and their aggression cannot be allowed to “achieve any benefit”. And, any “attempt to consign sovereign nations and free peoples to some archaic sphere of influence” will be resisted. Tough words, but not off the mark, when applied to U.S. foreign policy. Problem is, they were applied, by our Secretary of State, to Russia. Ho hum, another day, another instance of the pot calling the kettle… um… well heck, I can’t even use that metaphor in Condi’s case. Guess I’d better get back to harassing Dick Cheney, who at least has the virtue of being as white as biscuit dough (and about as shapely).

End Of World On Hold – Please Excuse the Inconvenience

It seems that the so-called “Big Bang Machine” over in Europe suffered damages during its initial test, and will have to wait for two months before being started up for real. Apparently the accident also released large amounts of helium, with the result that the entire staff is now talking in Munchkin voices, adding further to the embarrassment. But not to worry, there’s a black hole with your name on it just waiting to be created.